Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
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Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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