Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
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If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I pour the whiskey from now on
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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