Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize