If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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