JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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