Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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