Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
