This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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