you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life