This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n