In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
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people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
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Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.