Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.