hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
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Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him