She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I want her autograph on my taint
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.