I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?