i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
