I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
