My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.