What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
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I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
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He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?