she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.