My first STD was from a foam party
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.