Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...