I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize