I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
