I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
