you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
