the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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