a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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