How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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