I would go down on you faster than GM stock
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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