do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize