You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
