So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
