im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
