my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.