You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
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I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
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I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT