Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me