My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!