i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
