Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
