she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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