So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
