I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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