Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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