just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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