mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Randomize