I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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