my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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