Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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