the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
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She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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