UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
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The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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