Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
operation harelip BJ is a go
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
