She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.