Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.