i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's never too late to be topless.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.