I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"