Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
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i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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