woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
