omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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