i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
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