As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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