the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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