Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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