i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
