you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
