I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize